#dearjohn…#ihadanabortion & it’s none of your business

Posted on March 21, 2011

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Today a friend I care deeply about shared that she was having what I’ll call a moment (will explain in one second), and it made me angry, because I know those feelings, and women shouldn’t have to feel this way years after having an abortion.  It triggered a lot of my own feelings as well.

A moment is what I call (generally)brief but sometimes intense moments of grief, uncertainty, sometimes even regret, and all around anxiety over having had an abortion.  A good portion of the time, for me, these are induced by societal norms which have been burned into my psyche.  It’s thoughts of “what if I’m never able to have children and i ruined my only chance?”… and then I have to calm myself down and deconstruct that thought… I’m on a life path that is right for me, and if it does not include future possibilities of children that’s okay.  Who’s to say my desire for children is purely biological, anyway? And I didn’t ruin anything.  It’s a matter of figuring out what parts of these thoughts in my head are me, are legitimate worries, and which are the little gremlin.

I know other women who have shared this sentiment as well.  The cards are stacked against women, and today it made me very upset.  It also made me upset, once again, that some people would read this and say “well that’s why abortion shouldn’t be legal, so women don’t have to feel this pain or regret it later”.. and i don’t even want to get started on why that’s so fucked up (for more see my blog On Abortion).  And a lame argument for antichoice.

No matter these moments, every woman I’ve spoken to has said they don’t regret their choice.  Obviously that’s not representative of every woman who’s had to make that choice.  But it’s a voice that deserves to be heard.

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