Best Fucking Friends Forever (1.1)

Posted on June 7, 2011

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Day 1 – Your Best Friend

So, I have been avoiding this, simply because I don’t even know how to approach it.  My best friend says “everyone’s my best friend” because I do consider so many people to be besties.  I think that is a testament to the types of relationships and attachments I form with people around me, and how awesome the people I surround myself with are. My buddy who I stole this from is doing one day for each best friend. I guess I might just do that, though if I can get a couple in on one day that would be cool too.  To try and type out all of them in one sitting would be exhausting.  It wouldn’t take very long because I type like a boss, but I feel that it would be far, far too emotionally exhausting, because what I feel and what I wish to express about the people closest to me is very… real.  Very deeply rooted in who I am.  So, day one will be my best fucking friend forever, Miguel.  (FYI, this is going to be very long, very disjointed, very streaming consciousness style… i may not even go back and edit.  I just don’t know how to talk about a person who is so close to a part of myself…I tried once before, here)

From the time we first heard the term “Best Fucking Friends Forever” (a la Pineapple Express), it stuck.  Really, when we first started hanging out, we stuck.  I have the most rich, nuanced, complicated relationship with Miguel.  Our history spans a decade of my 23 and a half year old life.  We became friends freshman year of highschool through my oldest and definitely one of my dearest friends, Sarah.  Life works in funny ways.  During our sophomore year of highschool we started hanging out every day (due to a common class and similar schedules).  It started when my mom would pick us up and take us to lunch.  I still remember the very first time we ever went out: we went to Gengis Khan and told miguel that the pot sticker things were cow balls (one of my mom’s favorite jokes to play on people at this restaurant).  Pretty much, Miguel and I hung out every day since then (minus times we were geographically separated).  People always seem to think i’m exaggerating, but we literally spent every day together.  We both went to the tutor to prep for SATs and College, we both went to the same college, we were practically room mates, were involved in the same things, later we drove to school together, met up between classes, would drive home together and hang out all night.  For a very long time we even slept over at each others places most nights.  I do not exaggerate when I say that most of my young adolescence was spent with another person.  And this is what makes our relationship so interesting.. I think that we developed a very keen sense of people we are interacting with, how they are feeling, and how to communicate effectively so both parties feel heard, validated, and resolved.  Miguel taught me more about myself than I even know..even now when we’re talking i’ll realize that i developed a certain perspective that was originally his (like my ability to see the bigger picture, for example).  Miguel taught me to trust in people.  He was the first person I ever came out to.  In fact, whenever I identify a new aspect of my identity, he’s still the first person I come out to.  He’s the person who I know will always be accepting of what I bring to the table.  That doesn’t mean he won’t challenge me or call me out on my bullshit… in fact I think a lot of the respect I initially had for miguel was because of his ability to call me out.   That’s something he never lost… he’s always calling me on my shit, which is awesome. Something we don’t like to talk about very much is the fact that we dated for almost four years.  I think, for me at least, that has a lot to do with trying to escape that identity and make one for myself (that still included miguel but not in a romantic way). But those four years taught me so much about healthy relationships and how to treat another person… mostly, unfortunately, by being a completely unhealthy relationship. Let’s just say that I didn’t have the most healthy relationships to model growing up (not that he was perfect, mind you).  Now, especially as a DV educator, I see that I had a lot of power and control issues that I believe stemmed from my refusal to allow another individual power and control over me (obviously before I realized the dominant/submissive construct was there to serve a higher purpose that i fundamentally reject).  I had some very unhealthy (borderline abusive?) characteristics that Miguel really forced me to look at.  There was one point after our relationship ended that i just sobbed to him and told him how sorry I was for everything I’d done and how crazy I had been.  I was fractured.  And yet he never just said “i’m over it”… he worked through the process of healing with me. He taught me how to be there for another person, what it’s like to care so fiercely for someone that you are willing to both lay down your issues to be with them through whatever they’re going through and to confront your own issues.  He taught me selflessness, through both his actions and through my desire to put myself aside to help him in things.  He taught me how to believe in myself and helped me begin the process of finding my worth and speaking my truths.  He not only listened to my rants when I first embraced feminism, he became one himself.  He taught me what heartbreak feels like… how much it can hurt.  He taught me how to put aside my perspective to allow another’s in, and how equally valid that perspective is.  He taught me to trust myself and my leadership skills.  He validated me every step of the way.  Seriously I don’t know how to talk about it.  Imagine your own path of self discovery, enlightenment, growth and transition from highschool to college to post grad… and imagine that you had someone there with you every step of the way.  Every challenge and harship and good moment… is all so intricately linked with another person.  We literally grew up together.  Not from childhood, but into adulthood.  Together we learned a new way to see the world that combined both our perspectives, experiences, etc.  And we pretty much share many of the same experiences because we were always together, so after the way we would make sense of things was infused with both of our thoughts.  Miguel taught me about racism.  About another culture.  Another language.  He taught me that there is hope in men.  he has taught me that if you are willing to communicate in a respectful way, you can work through literally anything.. and I think that is one of the biggest, most important lessons I could have learned.  It’s just… so hard to put into words.  Almost everything about who I am today has some “miguel” infused in it.  Miguel will be my best “person” at my “wedding”.  He will be my children’s uncle.  He will always and forever be my absolute best friend who I can count on – if not in a moment of crisis then in the long run. Miguel knows me in a way that nobody will ever be able to …until I am in a relationship with another individual for about ten years.  Until I spend another decade of my life with one person, romantically or not.  I know I will never meet someone like miguel.  He’s a crazy person, first of all.  The way his brain works, and the ways he puts pieces together to come up with a solution or a thought or an idea is so incredibly unique.  The way he interacts with people, the perspective he brings to the table is something I cannot even put a name to, it just is. Miguel is very… miguelish.  He’s brilliant. He’s quirky, goofy as fuck, he used to be hella socially awkward but I feel like once he started naming it, he started to overcome it. He is strong.  I’ve learned so much about personal strength from him, from what he has been through in his life and the ways in which he has dealt with them.  Miguel helped me realize that life is worth living, that it’s doable.   That’s not to say that our ten years together were peachy.  Our closest friends (particularly randy and ed) can attest to how dysfunctional we have been at times. I think the severity of our roadblocks adds to how powerful our friendship has become since overcoming them. Miguel is, over all, the most amazing person I could ever have hoped to meet in this lifetime.  A few years ago we began saying that we are a part of a larger entity (that our consciousness in life is a fraction of our Higher selves, the energy, being of light, soul, whatever you want to call it, and that at the next level up we were actually the same being of light).  Now that we are, for the first time in our friendship, spending time apart and growing in directions the other isn’t taking, our differences are showing.  It’s no longer as if we are speaking from one mind (ask people who were forced to be in classes with us… it just wasn’t fair because we were always vibing together, speaking communally, etc).  Because we are not constantly sharing and tapping into each other’s energies.  Now we’re at a place where we’re learning from each other again, instead of linking arms and attacking the world together, learning from outside experiences and making sense of the world together.  I Just.. man i dunno.  I love this fool with all of my heart and soul.  I’ve spent quite a while trying to capture a fraction of the essence of this and I feel like I barely did so.  This song makes me think of miguel, because i literally would do anything for him.  If miguel called me tonight and told me he needed me to get on a plane and come home, I would be there.  I believe in boundaries and taking care of myself, but since I see miguel as a part of myself in so many ways this line is blurred.  And I will savor this, because I know it’s changing as we live an ocean away.  To sum it up, I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without him in my life.  I wouldn’t be this person that I love being.  I wouldn’t be an activist, I wouldn’t be an anti-white supremacist advocate, I wouldn’t have been involved in GSA, I wouldn’t have taken on race issues.  I wouldn’t have the interpersonal communication skills… Frankly I don’t know if I would be alive.  and that is not to minimize how awesome I am in and of myself.  Don’t get me wrong.  But the level of influence Miguel has had on my life cannot be fully captured with words.

I think the rest will be less complicated, because even though they’re still my besties, it’s less.. personal.

(Still to come: Templetron, Randall, Edward, Cory, Bri, Sarah…)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

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Posted in: 30 Day Challenge